Be Where Your Feet Are

“Mindfulness can be defined as ‘being distracted 100 times and the ability to bring our mind back to the present 101 times’. The practice of mindfulness helps provide stability and structure. … Take time daily to be where your feet are and live life in the present.”

I love to be happy. I work hard to achieve a positive and optimistic state of mind. Some of it comes naturally due to my upbringing, however, most of it has taken constant awareness and a relentless attitude of gratitude. What is my definition of happiness?! Hakuna Matata. I focus a lot on not worrying about things out of my control and celebrating the victories of the things I can control. Cliché, yes, but have you ever wondered how a saying or quote becomes cliché!? Before a phrase or opinion becomes overused and betrays a lack of original thought, it had a lot of meaning behind it. When it was originated there was action and execution involved. Nowadays, people say positive things and phrases, but lack the knowledge, ability, or discipline to really live them out fully.

I’m far from perfect, but if you know me personally, then you know I hardly ever have any bad days. Getting to this point required a lot of patience and hard work, just like anything else in life worth having, right!? And for some reason some of y’all want me to write a book describing exactly how I’ve gotten to this point in my life! Haha. #humbled. Well, I’m not writing a book anytime soon, but I have written this little piece to show a little insight into how I manage my “happiness”. These are the best practices I utilize. In no way, shape, or form, am I saying I know it all or am I trying to force my opinion on people. Just sharing what works for me and I hope I’m able to provide something to help you get a step closer to your definition of happiness. =)

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why they call it The Present.”

Raise your hand if you’ve seen or heard this quote. 🙋🏽‍♂️ If you really raised your hand, give yourself a high five because that makes you weird which is cool in my book and I think the world needs more people like you! 🖐🏽🖐🏿 (If you didn’t raise your hand, don’t worry, you’re still cool… in someone else’s book. Haha. Jkjk. I love you too. 😘)

Yesterday is History:

How do I not dwell so much on the past? For starters, I don’t “miss” things. I’ve gotten rid of that phrase almost entirely. Can that be perceived as insensitive, rude, or completely bogus? Maybe. However, I want to reiterate these are the best practices that help me stay in the present. I believe when we say “I’ve missed you”, that there is a little bit of negativity associated with that. Not a lot, but just enough to possibly open the door for more. For example, when I’d run into someone I haven’t seen in a while, this is what I USED to say, “Yo! What’s good!?? I’ve missed you man. Where have you been!? What have you been up to!?” I started to recognize by saying that, it allowed my brain and sub consciousness to wander just in the slightest to think why we’ve gone so long without seeing each other. What have we been missing out on together or “what could have been”. Which may lead to, “Well you never reach out to me. You never invite me. TFTI.” Etc. Then that will put blame or expectations on others. It took me a while to acknowledge and be aware that those thoughts and feelings were happening subconsciously every time I’d say that. I used to think that’s how you showed someone you care about them and began to use it a lot. But in an effort to not think or feel that way and truly be in the moment and not think about “what could have been”, I worked on my thought process. I stopped thinking and speaking it, and instead replaced it with; “Yo! It’s so good to see you! I’m so glad I’m running into you right now. What a pleasant surprise! Tell me all about the great things you’ve been up to?!” I replaced my thoughts of “missing” with thoughts of “thankfulness” ( #attitudewithgratitude ). Now that I've become consistent with this mindset and action, I leave most situations feeling more upbeat, happy, and grateful that I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in a while. As opposed to the alternative, where we “jokingly” give each other the guilt trip for not making time to see each other. This slight adjustment and practice seems so minuscule, however, this kind of mental practice has organically leaked over into other aspects of my life.

Another example of how I’ve used a challenge as an opportunity to practice this mindset is death. Most of us have had to deal with death or loss of a loved one at some point in life. For me, it was recently my father. I think we can all agree nothing we say, do, think, or feel, can or will ever bring them back to life. I allow myself to express emotions such as sadness, depression, anger, or crying. All are natural and I embrace those feelings. But not for long. I thank the person for being someone important enough in my life to leave such an impact on me. Instead of “missing” them, I focus my energy into “honoring” them. Honoring the lessons they’ve taught me by executing them daily. Honoring the fact that I’m still alive and that they’d want me to move on making the most of my days. Honoring their legacy by continuing to be a reflection of their positive qualities. When I start to feel like I’m missing them, I stop and think, “ What can I do in this moment to honor them!? Smile! Work harder! Help others! Enjoy life!” If I were no longer alive, I wouldn’t want my friends or family to be miserable or miss me. I’d want them to be happy and the be the best person they can be! To live out their God given potential. Again, some of you may not agree or even think this is a cold mindset. It’s not that I’m forgetting them or just sweeping the emotions under a rug. I’m acknowledging their existence and then turning that negative energy into positive by using my time to honor them in every moment. Nothing cold about that! For me, by becoming a better, happier person everyday I'm honoring them the best way possible...🤷🏽‍♂️... We all grieve differently and I hope I’ve given some of you a different avenue if it’s something you struggle with. 😃😊

Tomorrow is a Mystery:

“I can’t wait!” Yes, I can. I stopped saying, “I can’t wait” several years back because I kept finding myself distracted in the moment and unable to execute properly when I looked too far ahead. I found myself overlooking little details and getting slightly perturbed because I was thinking about being some where else. I found myself not listening attentively to others and selfishly wanting to dominate the conversation with what I “couldn’t wait” for. So, once I became aware, I had to practice not thinking too far ahead. For example, last year I had a New York trip planned with Neilani for Fathers Day. About a week before my trip, my associates would ask me if I was excited. My response?.."I'm not excited yet. It’s in the back of my head, but I won’t be excited for it until I actually set foot in New York. For now, I’m excited to be here, in the present moment. Excited to be the best leader and example I can be for my team. Excited to help anxious travelers find things they’ve forgotten or need for their trip. Excited to execute managerial tasks to the best of my ability so that I may set my team up for success when I’m gone.” For me to be genuinely in the moment and excited for those things, I had to really focus on an attitude of gratitude. I really had to focus on counting my blessings in that moment and not get too caught up with what was ahead. This is a mental practice that also organically leaked into other aspects of my life. I stopped rushing to get to the top of a mountain and learned how to slow down so that I may genuinely embrace the journey and the views from different vantage points. It truly helped me be more “present”.

I recently read an article by A.B. Kaplan and in that article, she calls the act of saying, “I CAN’T WAIT until ________ happens”, ‘time traveling’. She goes on to say, “When we ‘time travel’, we take ourselves out of the present moment and travel in time to some other place, location or time. We may ‘time travel’ back into the past or forward into the future, but if we spend our time regretting the past or worrying about the future, we lose the present.”

Here’s a sports analogy. In sports, there’s a term called, “Trap Game”. It’s when a far superior team is scheduled to play an average team before they’re are scheduled to play a team of equal talents. If the far superior team overlooks the average team, they could easily end up losing when they shouldn’t. All because they were looking too forward to the game against the more equally talented team. Which to the average team, could come off as disrespectful. Believe it or not, it happens often in sports. (Just like how the Pittsburgh Steelers supposedly overlooked the Jacksonville Jaguars in anticipation for the New England Patriots)

And believe it or not, it used to happen to me in real life. In what should be an easy going day, becomes a worry-some stressful day. Why!? Because I’m too worried about a scheduled event in the future that it dominates my thought process in the current moment. Which lead to me being short tempered, flustered and unorganized. These are feelings I didn’t like and I knew if I didn’t want to feel those things, I was going to have to mentally work hard at being in the moment. Being mindful of the things around me, grateful of what I had in front of me, and respectful to the people I engaged with that day by listening attentively. This would obviously take practice, practice, practice. As I became mentally stronger at this mindset, I started welcoming these challenges with open arms. When I book a trip now, I get more excited about the process of not thinking about the trip and being in the moments leading up to the trip, than I am about the actual trip. Yeah, that statement itself is a trip. Haha. It’s what separated Kobe Bryant from his peers. His love for the process of preparing for games was the same if not more than the games themselves. He loved watching film. He loved practicing. He loved conditioning. He loved this process which made the games come easy to him. Same rules to life. I’ve fallen in love with the process of being more mindful, in the moment, aware, and not looking too forward or missing things. So when I actually land in New York, I know I will be excited and fully engulfed in the city and all it has to offer. My mind won’t wander and worry about what’s going on at work or my next trip. I won’t think about anything other than being, in New York.

So there you have it. Some of MY best practices of how I stay present. Being in the moment makes me more grateful which in turn makes me a more positive individual. It’s why I’m always happy! Whether it’s being a father, on social media, in real life, at work, on a hike, or when challenges are coming at me from all angles. To maintain this mindset, I will have to continue to practice everyday and embrace this process and journey that we call life. Thanks for reading y’all!!!